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Learning to Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing

Learning to Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~John Lubbock

For years, I thought exhaustion was a sign I lived fully and did my best that day. I felt proud of being exhausted. I squeezed every bit out of the day, and there was nothing left.

If I felt tired, I pushed myself to do just one more thing. It was always just one more thing. If I needed to lie down, I scolded myself for being weak. Around me, it seemed everyone else could keep going—working late, saying yes to every request, holding it all together, and getting everything done.

So I pushed harder. I drank more coffee, ignored the pounding in my chest, and told myself I’d rest “later,” as a reward. And when that later finally came, I was so exhausted and empty, all I managed for myself was the easiest available comfort food and plopping down in front of the TV.

Deep down, I wasn’t just tired from doing too much. I was tired from being someone I thought others needed me to be. I gave my everything, and nothing remained for me.

I was tired from people-pleasing.

When Rest Feels Unsafe

People-pleasing is often misunderstood as kindness, but at its core it’s a survival strategy. Psychologists call it the “fawn response.” When fight or flight aren’t possible, some of us learn to stay safe by appeasing others—saying yes, staying agreeable, avoiding conflict at all costs.

This might protect us in unsafe environments, but over time it takes a toll. The body stays on high alert— scanning for others’ needs, monitoring their tone of voice, ready to jump in and smooth things over.

In that state, rest doesn’t feel like an option.

When I tried to pause—sit quietly, lie down, even take a slow breath—my body rebelled. My chest buzzed with tension. My throat tightened, as if rest itself were dangerous. Doing nothing felt risky, as though someone might be upset or reject or abandon me if I wasn’t useful.

So I stayed in motion. On the outside, I looked capable, dependable, “good.” On the inside, I was running on fumes.

The Cost of Never Stopping

When rest feels unsafe, exhaustion becomes a way of life.

The body breaks down. I developed a stress knot in my shoulder, poor posture, and constant fatigue.

The mind spirals. Anxiety grew louder, whispering that I wasn’t doing enough.

The heart aches. Saying yes when I wanted no left me resentful and empty.

I thought if I could just be more disciplined, I’d manage. But discipline wasn’t the problem—my nervous system was.

It had learned, long ago, that slowing down invited danger. So it kept me on guard, pushing, performing, and erasing myself—all in the name of safety, belonging, being approved of and perhaps accepted.

Realizing Rest Is Part of Healing

The turning point came when I read about trauma and the nervous system. I learned that exhaustion and restlessness weren’t proof that I was lazy or broken. They were survival responses. My body wasn’t fighting me—it was protecting me, the only way it knew how.

That realization softened something inside. For the first time, I saw my fatigue not as failure, but as evidence of how hard I’d been trying to survive.

If my body could learn to see rest as danger, maybe it could also relearn rest as safety.

Gentle Practices for Making Rest Safer

The change didn’t come overnight. But step by step, I began inviting rest back into my life—not as laziness, but as medicine.

Here are a few things that helped:

1. Start small.

Instead of trying to nap for an hour, I practiced lying down for five minutes. Just five. Long enough to notice my body but short enough not to panic. Over time, those five minutes grew.

2. Anchor with touch.

When rest stirred anxiety, I placed a hand on my chest or stomach. That simple contact reminded me: I’m here, I’m safe.

3. Redefine rest.

I stopped thinking rest had to mean sleep. Rest could be sitting quietly with tea, staring at the sky, or listening to soft music. It was anything that let my nervous system breathe.

4. Challenge the story.

When the inner critic said, “You’re wasting time,” I gently asked: Is it wasteful to care for the body that carries me? Slowly, I began rewriting that story.

What I’ve Learned

Rest still isn’t always easy for me. Sometimes I lie down, and my chest buzzes like it used to, urging me to get back up. Sometimes guilt whispers that others are doing more, so I should too.

But now I understand: these feelings don’t mean I’m failing at life. They mean my body is still unwinding old survival patterns.

And the more I practice, the more I see rest for what it truly is:

  • A way to reset my nervous system.
  • A way to honor my limits.
  • A way to reclaim the life that people-pleasing once stole from me.

I used to believe safety came from doing more. Now I see that safety begins with stopping.

Closing Reflection

If you’ve ever avoided rest, told yourself you couldn’t afford to relax, or felt guilty when you tried, you’re not alone. Many of us carry nervous systems that equate worth with usefulness and safety with exhaustion.

But what if the truth is the opposite? What if rest is not indulgence but healing? What if slowing down is not selfish but necessary?

Rest may not feel natural at first. It may even feel unsafe and bring up feelings of panic, pressure to get going again, or a sense of falling behind. But with gentleness, patience, and compassion, the body can relearn what it once forgot: that it is safe to stop.

You are not weak for needing rest. You are human. And in a world that pushes constant doing, choosing to rest might be the bravest thing you can do.

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About Maya Fleischer

Maya Fleischer is a trauma-informed coach and certified Compassion Key practitioner who writes at Unfold Consciously, a gentle space for healing emotional patterns and listening to the body’s wisdom. She offers a free 5-Day Audio Journey for Sensitive Souls that includes daily voice notes and practices to support self-compassion and nervous system healing. You can explore it here: Unfold Consciously – Free 5-Day Journey.

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Source Link Learning to Feel Safe Resting After a Lifetime of People-Pleasing

Staying-kind
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How to Stay Kind Without Losing Yourself to Toxic Behavior

How to Stay Kind Without Losing Yourself to Toxic Behavior

“The strongest people are the ones who are still kind after the world tore them apart.” ~Raven Emotion

A few months ago, I stopped being friends with my best friend from childhood, whom I had always considered like my brother.

It was a tough decision, but I had to make it.

In the past five years, my friend (let’s call him Andy) had become increasingly rude and dismissive toward my feelings.

Not a single week went by without him criticizing me for being optimistic and for never giving up despite being a “failure.”

Still, I tried to be understanding. I really did.

I knew he was always stressed because he was going to graduate from college two years later than his peers.

And I knew he felt insecure about not being as rich and successful as “everyone else.”

But one can only take so much, and after so many years, I just couldn’t anymore.

It’s hard to keep showing up with warmth and patience when the other person not only doesn’t appreciate you but even attacks you for being “naive in the face of reality.”

(Yeah, he’d somehow convinced himself that I was in denial about my lack of success—as if the only way to react to failure were to get angry and frustrated.)

If you’ve always tried your best to be kind and gentle, you too might have been in a similar situation and wondered at least once, “Why bother?”

Because even though we don’t expect trophies or medals, a complete lack of appreciation can become difficult to accept after a while, and a simple “thank you” can start to matter more than we wish it did.

I’ll admit that, because of Andy, I almost gave up on being a kind person multiple times.

Luckily, I didn’t, and in the months that led to my difficult decision, I learned some important lessons on how to stay kind even when it starts to feel like there’s no point to it.

I hope these lessons will help you stay true to yourself, too.

1. Make sure you’re not using kindness as a bargaining chip.

Just as positivity can become toxic, there is such a thing as a harmful way of sharing kindness.

Here’s what I mean.

In my teenage years, I used to be what some would call a “nice guy.”

You know, the type of guy who prides himself on being nice, except he’s really not.

In typical “nice guy” fashion, I treated kindness as a transaction. (”I’m doing all these things for them, so they should do the same for me” was a typical thought always floating in my mind.)

I would be nice and generous to others, but I would always compare what they did for me to what I had done for them.

Then, if they didn’t reciprocate in a way that I found satisfactory, I would secretly start to resent them.

It’s not my proudest memory, but it shows how even something positive like kindness can be weaponized.

And it’s not just “nice guys” who do that, either.

Many parents make the same mistake: they try to guilt their children into showing gratitude or obedience by bringing up all the sacrifices they’ve made for them.

Of course, all this does is make the kids feel bad and even distrustful, as they may start to wonder whether their parents’ sacrifices were made out of love or selfish motives.

Because when kindness is given conditionally, it stops being about helping—it becomes about satisfying one’s desperate need for appreciation.

Needless to say, this is unhealthy for all parties involved.

That’s why it’s best to…

2. View kindness as an expression of who you are.

It’s easy to forget—especially when it goes underappreciated for too long—that kindness should be, fundamentally, an expression of yourself.

You are kind because it’s who you are, not because you want someone else’s approval.

When I look back on my friendship with Andy, I’m obviously not happy about all the times he attacked my self-esteem, dismissed my feelings, and put cracks in our relationship without a second thought. However, I can at least be proud that I didn’t let that break me and instead stayed strong.

Because that’s what this is about.

Being kind, even in the absence of thanks, is an act of self-respect.

It’s not about wanting others to notice.

It’s about staying true to yourself, regardless of how unappreciative others might be.

3. Remember you’re allowed to withdraw your kindness.

Kind people always struggle with this.

We worry that if we quit going above and beyond for someone, it might mean that we’re not good people anymore.

This is why it took me so many years to finally stop being best friends with Andy: I was afraid of being told I wasn’t really kind after all.

I didn’t want that to happen, so I kept being as generous as possible, despite how often he hurt me.

For years, I kept cooking, doing the dishes, vacuuming, mopping, and doing all sorts of chores that normally would be divided equally among roommates.

I wanted to do my best to give him as much time and space to focus on his studies (although I was in his same situation and had my own studying to do).

I refused to see that he didn’t plan on treating me any better.

In fact, years before, he’d already made it clear he didn’t believe I deserved to be repaid for all the things I did.

Yet, I just let him disrespect me and hurt me and kept being kind to him. Because kindness shouldn’t be conditional, right? Because it should just be an expression of yourself, right?

But here’s what I now understand: just because you shouldn’t expect people to treat you well in exchange for your kindness, it doesn’t mean you should accept being treated badly.

There’s a limit to how much thanklessness you can tolerate before it starts eating you up inside.

You have every right to pause or withdraw your kindness when you’re being treated poorly. This is about setting healthy boundaries. You’re not being selfish or arrogant.

I can’t believe how long it took me to realize that unconditional doesn’t mean boundaryless.

Kindness with zero boundaries isn’t kindness at all but self-abandonment.

There’s nothing noble about completely neglecting yourself just to be as generous as possible to someone else.

Be kind because that’s who you are, but don’t let yourself be taken for granted.

4. Don’t let negative people convince you to quit.

We all know people who are never content with feeling miserable by themselves, so they try to make others feel just as miserable.

And when they keep criticizing you for being a “goody two-shoes” just because you have a positive attitude, it’s hard to stay unperturbed.

You may even start to question yourself and if you should maybe stop being a positive person.

But let me assure you: letting negative people decide what kind of person you should be and what kind of life you should live is NEVER a good idea.

Because, again, some people just want to tear others down.

You could change your whole personality and become exactly like them, and they would still criticize you and judge you.

Why? Because the reason they hurt others in the first place is that they’re (unsuccessfully) wrestling with their own problems.

It’s not about you being “too nice” or “fake.” It’s about them not being able to find it in themselves to be patient and generous and always choosing to just lash out instead.

Good people are never going to criticize you for being kind.

Even if they believed that your brand of kindness might not be pleasant in some instances, they’d just tell you. They wouldn’t try to make you feel bad.

Stay True to Yourself

When kindness feels thankless, it’s easy to wonder if it’s even worth it—especially if the thanklessness comes from someone we care about.

I’ve been there more times than I can count, and yes, it always feels awful.

But kindness isn’t merely a way to please others—it’s how we respect ourselves.

You have the right to press PAUSE or STOP when someone disrespects you too much.

You don’t have to let others take you for granted just because you’re worried they might have something to say about your genuineness.

Because, honestly, what if they did?

You don’t need their approval.

You’re kind because you’re kind. It’s that simple.

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About Paolo Wang

Paolo writes about habits, happiness, self-esteem, and anything that can improve one’s life. He believes that failure is not an insurmountable obstacle to success but an integral part of it and that most failures are really just “successes in progress.” You can join his weekly newsletter here.

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Burnout-1
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3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

The first time I experienced burnout, I was twenty-six.

I was at the height of my career in London, doing it all, and yet I somehow found myself back at my parents’ house, sobbing in my mom’s car, after signing myself off from work, not having a clue how I landed there.

Burnout isn’t just about being tired from overexertion. It’s when we reach physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion after pushing ourselves past our capacity for too long.

When we finally stop, often against our will, all the confusing symptoms surface. We feel overwhelmed, out of control, like we’re going mad. That was me at twenty-six, right when I thought I should have been thriving.

To give you some background, I was managing several boutique fitness studios in London, working under a highly demanding boss whose mood could swing and affect the whole office. I wasn’t much of a party girl, but I was still burning the candle at both ends, socializing with friends on the weekend and running around meeting demands during the week.

The burnout crept in slowly, starting with crying over the smallest things, gaining weight despite all the exercise I was doing, never being able to switch my mind off, and feeling constantly wired and overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t understand.

Burnout shows up differently for everyone, and I believe many of us live with a chronic, low-level version we don’t even notice until our well-being starts to fall apart.

At the time, I thought burnout was just about long hours and stress. But over the years, I realized there were deeper, less obvious reasons behind mine.

So, let’s get into the three not-so-obvious causes of burnout that most people miss.

The Hidden Pressure to Prove Your Worth

One of the biggest things I’ve learned about myself in the last ten years is that I’ve always had a need to prove myself. I’ve never quite felt good enough, and it’s always affected my confidence.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. We all struggle with our confidence and worth, wanting to prove ourselves—to the people we work for, to our parents, to our partners, and to the world.

However, I wasn’t conscious of this when I was younger. I knew I had a strong drive within me to work hard and meet other people’s demands, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with needing to prove myself.

I’ve come to see that many of us have a core wound around self-worth, even the most confident among us, and we all need to work on accepting, embracing, and loving ourselves exactly as we are.

But when we’re not conscious of our inner drivers, we can blindly rush into life, not understanding what’s really motivating our actions. For me, my lack of confidence played out in my need to please my boss, to the point where I was no longer conscious of my needs or desires.

Her disapproval terrified me. I dreaded missing her calls or not replying to her emails fast enough. I anticipated her demands constantly, beating myself up if I misjudged a situation or fell short.
It was a constant strain on my nervous system.

I pushed myself harder and harder until I simply couldn’t cope with the pressure. I couldn’t bear to let her down in any way, and if I did, I chastised myself for not doing better, for not being better.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I had to leave work early, to her great annoyance, to meet my mom, who’d booked a mother-daughter photoshoot (something I definitely wasn’t looking forward to, given the state of stress I was in).

All I remember is crying on the subway on my way there and not stopping even as the concerned makeup artist was trying to sort out my puffy eyes. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and it was too much.

That’s when I began to understand that burnout isn’t just about physical overwork. It can come from the emotional pressure we place on ourselves, such as the pressure to meet expectations, to keep people happy, and to prove our worth to those that we feel we constantly need to impress.

It’s only when we realize that our well-being is far more important than our productivity that we can start to recognize how our need for approval is driving our actions and start to gently and lovingly address the deeper root cause.

Why Burnout Thrives Without Boundaries

One of the worst things about this need to prove myself was that my boss also recognized it and took advantage of it.

At the time, I didn’t even know what boundaries were. I wanted to keep everyone happy, spinning plates and spreading myself thin.

We’re conditioned to believe that it’s wrong to be selfish, that we shouldn’t say no, and that we need to put others’ needs before our own, but at what cost? Well, the cost is often our own happiness and well-being.

We often think of boundaries as physical, but they are also mental and emotional.

We may have shut our computer, but are we still thinking about the meeting tomorrow morning? We may have left the office, but are we anxious that we’ll forget to send that important email?

I used to feel this dread in the pit of my stomach every morning on my way to work as I wondered what I might have gotten wrong or forgotten to do. It was like my mind couldn’t switch off, and it drove my stress levels higher and higher.

One of the reasons why boundaries can feel so challenging is when we attach ourselves to the thing that we do, making it our identity, our purpose, and all that we are.

Whether our burnout comes from being a parent, being a caregiver, being an employee or entrepreneur, or any other roles we hold, we need to remember to create a sense of healthy separation from what we “do,” because that is not all that we are.

This is such an important boundary for us to create.

We are human beings, not human doings. When we mistakenly attach our worth, our identity, or our purpose to what we do rather than who we are, that boundary becomes blurred.

How Denial Keeps Us Stuck in Burnout

Another major cause of my burnout was my inability, or unwillingness, to be honest with myself.

I wasn’t conscious of how much I was struggling, and even if I had been, I wouldn’t have admitted it. To do so would have meant facing changes I wasn’t ready to make.

While change is a constant in all of our lives, it is still something that most of us fear. After all, it’s messy, unpredictable, and uncomfortable.

Yet, it’s always needed, especially when we suffer from burnout.

If we don’t change our circumstances, our attitude, or our boundaries, then nothing will change. So, we have to be willing to be honest about what’s not working and start making those all-important changes.

We can also struggle to be honest about our motivations for staying in burnout.

I’ll admit that at the time I really liked my life. Or rather I should say, I liked how my life looked. When I turned up late to dinner with friends due to work, I used to complain about work always making me late, but secretly I felt busy, important, and special.

There’s always a deeply unconscious part of us that becomes attached to the things that hurt us. It’s almost as if we become a martyr in our suffering. Yet, this is just reflective of the deeply unconscious desire to be seen, recognized, and taken care of.

That’s the tricky thing: when we’re in burnout, we often crave recognition and care from others. But waiting for someone else to rescue us keeps us stuck.

When I was struggling with burnout, I just wanted someone to notice and tell me what was wrong. I complained about my job to anyone who would listen, but I refused to take any advice. I just kept pushing myself, secretly hoping that one day someone, anyone, might notice.

Burnout isn’t a cry for help, but it is a cry from within to be taken care of, supported, and nourished. And first and foremost, we need to start looking after ourselves.

This Is Where Burnout Ends

If you’re struggling with burnout, please know that you’re not alone. Start by being honest with yourself. Recognize where you’re needing to prove yourself and where you need better boundaries so you can start taking care of yourself.

These subtle causes may not look like overwork, but they take just as much out of us, sometimes even more.

The turning point for me was when I admitted I wasn’t coping, signed off from work, and sought support from a holistic practitioner. That was the first time I began to listen to myself, and it opened the door to healing and growth I never could have imagined at twenty-six.

Ten years later, I’m so grateful for what it taught me. As cheesy as it sounds, it was the breakdown that became my breakthrough. While I still struggle with setting boundaries, feeling “enough,” and being honest with myself at times, on the whole those lessons have made me who I am today.

It all began with the simple realization that I needed to learn how to take care of myself with the same urgency I once gave to everyone else. And maybe you do too.

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About Antonya Beamish

Antonya Beamish is an emotional energy worker who supports sensitive, spiritual souls who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or weighed down by old patterns and emotional blocks. Her work combines deep self-awareness with gentle trauma release, helping you feel more confident, trusting, and grounded in who you are. She shares reflective writing on her blog, hosts free group healing workshops, and offers sessions at antonyabeamish.com.

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Source Link 3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

Burnout
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3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

3 Surprising Causes of Burnout That Most People Miss

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

The first time I experienced burnout, I was twenty-six.

I was at the height of my career in London, doing it all, and yet I somehow found myself back at my parents’ house, sobbing in my mom’s car, after signing myself off from work, not having a clue how I landed there.

Burnout isn’t just about being tired from overexertion. It’s when we reach physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion after pushing ourselves past our capacity for too long.

When we finally stop, often against our will, all the confusing symptoms surface. We feel overwhelmed, out of control, like we’re going mad. That was me at twenty-six, right when I thought I should have been thriving.

To give you some background, I was managing several boutique fitness studios in London, working under a highly demanding boss whose mood could swing and affect the whole office. I wasn’t much of a party girl, but I was still burning the candle at both ends, socializing with friends on the weekend and running around meeting demands during the week.

The burnout crept in slowly, starting with crying over the smallest things, gaining weight despite all the exercise I was doing, never being able to switch my mind off, and feeling constantly wired and overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t understand.

Burnout shows up differently for everyone, and I believe many of us live with a chronic, low-level version we don’t even notice until our well-being starts to fall apart.

At the time, I thought burnout was just about long hours and stress. But over the years, I realized there were deeper, less obvious reasons behind mine.

So, let’s get into the three not-so-obvious causes of burnout that most people miss.

The Hidden Pressure to Prove Your Worth

One of the biggest things I’ve learned about myself in the last ten years is that I’ve always had a need to prove myself. I’ve never quite felt good enough, and it’s always affected my confidence.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. We all struggle with our confidence and worth, wanting to prove ourselves—to the people we work for, to our parents, to our partners, and to the world.

However, I wasn’t conscious of this when I was younger. I knew I had a strong drive within me to work hard and meet other people’s demands, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with needing to prove myself.

I’ve come to see that many of us have a core wound around self-worth, even the most confident among us, and we all need to work on accepting, embracing, and loving ourselves exactly as we are.

But when we’re not conscious of our inner drivers, we can blindly rush into life, not understanding what’s really motivating our actions. For me, my lack of confidence played out in my need to please my boss, to the point where I was no longer conscious of my needs or desires.

Her disapproval terrified me. I dreaded missing her calls or not replying to her emails fast enough. I anticipated her demands constantly, beating myself up if I misjudged a situation or fell short.
It was a constant strain on my nervous system.

I pushed myself harder and harder until I simply couldn’t cope with the pressure. I couldn’t bear to let her down in any way, and if I did, I chastised myself for not doing better, for not being better.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I had to leave work early, to her great annoyance, to meet my mom, who’d booked a mother-daughter photoshoot (something I definitely wasn’t looking forward to, given the state of stress I was in).

All I remember is crying on the subway on my way there and not stopping even as the concerned makeup artist was trying to sort out my puffy eyes. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, and it was too much.

That’s when I began to understand that burnout isn’t just about physical overwork. It can come from the emotional pressure we place on ourselves, such as the pressure to meet expectations, to keep people happy, and to prove our worth to those that we feel we constantly need to impress.

It’s only when we realize that our well-being is far more important than our productivity that we can start to recognize how our need for approval is driving our actions and start to gently and lovingly address the deeper root cause.

Why Burnout Thrives Without Boundaries

One of the worst things about this need to prove myself was that my boss also recognized it and took advantage of it.

At the time, I didn’t even know what boundaries were. I wanted to keep everyone happy, spinning plates and spreading myself thin.

We’re conditioned to believe that it’s wrong to be selfish, that we shouldn’t say no, and that we need to put others’ needs before our own, but at what cost? Well, the cost is often our own happiness and well-being.

We often think of boundaries as physical, but they are also mental and emotional.

We may have shut our computer, but are we still thinking about the meeting tomorrow morning? We may have left the office, but are we anxious that we’ll forget to send that important email?

I used to feel this dread in the pit of my stomach every morning on my way to work as I wondered what I might have gotten wrong or forgotten to do. It was like my mind couldn’t switch off, and it drove my stress levels higher and higher.

One of the reasons why boundaries can feel so challenging is when we attach ourselves to the thing that we do, making it our identity, our purpose, and all that we are.

Whether our burnout comes from being a parent, being a caregiver, being an employee or entrepreneur, or any other roles we hold, we need to remember to create a sense of healthy separation from what we “do,” because that is not all that we are.

This is such an important boundary for us to create.

We are human beings, not human doings. When we mistakenly attach our worth, our identity, or our purpose to what we do rather than who we are, that boundary becomes blurred.

How Denial Keeps Us Stuck in Burnout

Another major cause of my burnout was my inability, or unwillingness, to be honest with myself.

I wasn’t conscious of how much I was struggling, and even if I had been, I wouldn’t have admitted it. To do so would have meant facing changes I wasn’t ready to make.

While change is a constant in all of our lives, it is still something that most of us fear. After all, it’s messy, unpredictable, and uncomfortable.

Yet, it’s always needed, especially when we suffer from burnout.

If we don’t change our circumstances, our attitude, or our boundaries, then nothing will change. So, we have to be willing to be honest about what’s not working and start making those all-important changes.

We can also struggle to be honest about our motivations for staying in burnout.

I’ll admit that at the time I really liked my life. Or rather I should say, I liked how my life looked. When I turned up late to dinner with friends due to work, I used to complain about work always making me late, but secretly I felt busy, important, and special.

There’s always a deeply unconscious part of us that becomes attached to the things that hurt us. It’s almost as if we become a martyr in our suffering. Yet, this is just reflective of the deeply unconscious desire to be seen, recognized, and taken care of.

That’s the tricky thing: when we’re in burnout, we often crave recognition and care from others. But waiting for someone else to rescue us keeps us stuck.

When I was struggling with burnout, I just wanted someone to notice and tell me what was wrong. I complained about my job to anyone who would listen, but I refused to take any advice. I just kept pushing myself, secretly hoping that one day someone, anyone, might notice.

Burnout isn’t a cry for help, but it is a cry from within to be taken care of, supported, and nourished. And first and foremost, we need to start looking after ourselves.

This Is Where Burnout Ends

If you’re struggling with burnout, please know that you’re not alone. Start by being honest with yourself. Recognize where you’re needing to prove yourself and where you need better boundaries so you can start taking care of yourself.

These subtle causes may not look like overwork, but they take just as much out of us, sometimes even more.

The turning point for me was when I admitted I wasn’t coping, signed off from work, and sought support from a holistic practitioner. That was the first time I began to listen to myself, and it opened the door to healing and growth I never could have imagined at twenty-six.

Ten years later, I’m so grateful for what it taught me. As cheesy as it sounds, it was the breakdown that became my breakthrough. While I still struggle with setting boundaries, feeling “enough,” and being honest with myself at times, on the whole those lessons have made me who I am today.

It all began with the simple realization that I needed to learn how to take care of myself with the same urgency I once gave to everyone else. And maybe you do too.

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About Antonya Beamish

Antonya Beamish is an emotional energy worker who supports sensitive, spiritual souls who feel stuck, overwhelmed, or weighed down by old patterns and emotional blocks. Her work combines deep self-awareness with gentle trauma release, helping you feel more confident, trusting, and grounded in who you are. She shares reflective writing on her blog, hosts free group healing workshops, and offers sessions at antonyabeamish.com.

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